Sunshine Bruises
by aclockworkoranje
Summary: Vince Noir drinks. Vince Noir gets in trouble. Vince Noir is in love. gang violence involved. Howard/Vince
1. Vince Noir drinks

**Author's notes: I hope you guys like it, I deleted everything on here so it's like my first fic all over again.**

**Boosh belongs to Barratt and Fieldmouse :)**

Vince Noir was drinking.

Vince Noir drank as much as he could.

Vince Noir drank to hide.

Vince Noir drank because he was afraid.

Vince Noir drank because he was in love.

Vince Noir drank because he was in love with a man.  
A beautiful, wonderful, and... well... strange man.

He drank because he knew that man wouldn't accept Vince's feelings.

He drank because Howard Moon wouldn't have that, no Sir.


	2. The King Of Camden

**Author's note: Don't own Boosh, yadda yadda, legal matters**

He stumbled out of the bar and into the street.

"Yeah, well your club is shit anyway!"

How did Vince Noir get kicked out of a nightclub?

He's the king of Camden!

Vince sighed, "Might as well go home... No taxis around, guess I'll walk"

He was surprised he could even form a sentence, he was plastered!

Maybe he didn't.

Maybe in his drunk haze he had only imagined forming words in a proper structure, or forming them at all for that matter.

Either way, he best get home.

He walked down the street, trying his hardest through is blurred eyes to see where he was going.

Soon he was so dizzy he had to rest against a wall to compose himself.

Across the street he saw a gang of men laughing and kicking things over.

They stopped and pointed at him.

"If Bollo were here, he'd say 'I got a bad feeling about this.'" Vince certainly did.


	3. Target Acquired

**Author's Note: Boosh = Noel & Julian**

**Gang violence in this chapter.**

"What do we got here? Little Vince Noir, rock n roll star?"

That voice, Vince recognized it; Vince hated it.

He looked up, Lance Dior. That scum.

"Fuck off, Dior."

"Ooh-hoo-hoo!" Lance snickered "Fiesty!"

Lance grabbed his face and forced him to look up.

"Poor, drunk, defenseless little Vincey. Hope nothing bad happens to him."

The man grinned, an evil look in his eyes.

Vince sat silently. He was terrified, but didn't dare let him know.

Lance's henchmen grabbed Vince's legs and pulled him into an alley.

Vince let out a yelp and the men laughed.

"Ooh, scared are we, Vincey? But this is just the beginning. The fun is all about to start."

He was pinned against a wall, a man on either side holding his arms firm in place.

They crowded around him.

Each took their turn to punch and kick in the stomach.

Vince tried his best not to make a sound. Still, an occasional scream passed his lips.

For every scream he let out he was punished with a swift blow to the chest.

Finally, he was hit in the face and dropped to the ground.

The gang was laughing uncontrollably now.

They all spit on his bruised and bloody figure, turned, and left.

He laid on the cold ground whimpering for who knows how long.

He limped the rest of the way home.


	4. Home Again, Home Again

**Author's note: Noelio & JuJu on teh Boosh**

Vince arrived in front of the Nabootique.

He decided it would be quieter to go in the back. He didn't want anyone to wake up.

He creeped up the stairs and into his bedroom, closing the door behind him.

He took off his boots and trousers. Then he gently removed his shirt and tossed it onto the floor.

He looked at his reflection in the mirror.

The bruises were already changing colour from brown to purple.

His entire torso was covered in them.

He was bleeding as well, some of the kicks hit so hard they broke through skin.

Even with all that, he considered himself lucky, the hit to his face didn't leave any marks.

He wiped off his body with a towel he for some reason had on his dresser and flopped on his bed.

That night he cried himself to sleep.

Vince awoke at noon with a pounding headache.

He got out of bed and winced. His pain was immense.

He looked in the mirror, his torso almost black now.

The cuts had all scabbed over.

He dug in his closet for some- Jagger forgive him- sweatpants.

He also put on his loosest, most comfortable tee-shirt.

On his feet he wore slippers.

He looked in the mirror and scowled at the fashion crime he was in.

His hair looked okay, he wasn't going to straighten it- just a quick brush and some root-booster.

He applied a small amount of eyeliner and his least flashy lipgloss.

Vince went into the kitchen and made himself a Resolve.

"Vince! Shop opened 3 hours ago!" a voice yelled from downstairs.

The most beautiful voice in the world, yet again scolding him for being an idiot.

"In a minute!" Vince replied.

He carefully made his way down the stairs, wincing on every step.

"Vince, are you alright? You never wear sweats." Howard looked shocked and confused.

"Yeah, fine, just got a hangover."

Howard shook his head. "You shouldn't drink so much Vince. Your liver is gonna go at you like a fist of pain."

That's why Vince couldn't tell Howard what happened. He would never let him go out again.

"Hey, Howard, where's Naboo?"

"He went out. Urgent shaman business. Kirk's holding 3 prostitutes captive in another dimension." Howard said as he shuffled and sorted some records.

Fuck, Vince was going to ask Naboo to use his magic and get rid of his awful bruises.

"How long?"

"Mmmm... about two days. What do you need Naboo for?"

"Nothing. Just wondering."


	5. Not Here

**Note: Boosh = Noel & Ju, not me or you**

Vince had practically made it through the day without Howard or any customers noticing anything wrong.

Occasionally he'd say he had to go to the bathroom and stare at his wounds in the mirror.

After a few minutes he'd pop a painkiller or two.

He was about to walk downstairs when he heard the jingling of doorbells.

"Sorry, sirs, we're closin' up."

The gang chuckled and Vince heard a man say "Don't think so, mate. We got business to be done."

Fuck! Not here! Anywhere but here!

There was crashing and laughing downstairs.

"Excuse me, sir, I'm going to have to ask you to leave."

"Ooooh, what're ya gonna do? Move us? Listen, ya jazzy nonce, we ain't goin' nowhere."

Vince knew that would hit hard. Only Vince could get away with that, and once you hurt Howard, Vince hurts you.

He ran to his room and grabbed the pepper spray on his dresser.

Howard gave it to him after he got mixed up with a creepy bloke who thought he was his personal assistant.

He remembered telling Howard it was stupid, and he would never need it.

He believed it too, until now.

He ran back down to the shop, cringing all the way.

It wore him out a lot more than it would have normally.

"Well, look who showed up? How's last night's treatment goin' for ya, Vince?"

He held his stomach, he wasn't able to speak yet.

Lance walked towards him, and Vince looked up.

"Tsk, tsk, tsk. Too bad, I thought that was a good shot, but not a scratch on that ugly little head of yours."

Vince scowled and raised the can in his hand, cap off, finger on the trigger.

"Lance, get out, or I'm macing you."

"You wouldn't." Lance chuckled, but Vince could see he was worried.

"I'll give you to the count of three." Vince said sternly "One... Two..."

Lance stepped back, but Vince didn't lower his arm.

He didn't leave, he simply said "I don't believe you."

"Three."

A high pitched screech ripped through the shop and Lance covered his face with his hands.

"I'll get you, Vince!" he choked "Let's get the fuck out of here."

The bells jingled again and Vince threw the can on the floor.

He heard the click of the lock and footsteps walking towards him.

"Right, what the Hell was that, Vince?"

Vince sighed, he couldn't hide it now, it wasn't worth it.

"C'mon, Howard, I need to show you something."


	6. I'd do anything for you

**author's note: oh my gosh, I'm gonna write a legit note for once**

**THANK YOU ALL SO MUCH FOR YOUR REVIEWS, you have no idea how much it means to me :D**

**I hope the rest isn't horrible**

**I don't think I'll finish it too quickly, I don't want to have like a little shit ending or something**

**so sorry if I'm a little slow with the updates**

**love you all**

**Boosh is still Noel and JuJu's**

Vince limped up the stairs and into the living room.

He stood for a while looking at the floor, hand on his stomach, catching his breath.

Howard was stood across from him a moment later.

"Vince, what's wrong? Why're you limpin'? Why were all those men in the shop?"

Vince glanced up at him and back to the floor.

"Howard, I went out the other night, and something happened. I didn't want to tell you because you'd never let me out again..."

"What happened?" Howard asked, confused and impatient.

Vince sighed and removed his shirt.

Howard covered his mouth and fell on the couch.

"How...?"

"The club kicked me out and I had to walk... and Lance and his boys were across the street... and..." Vince was choked up and teary. He didn't want to cry, that shows weakness, and he's looking weak enough already. "They attacked me, Howard. They were all kickin' and punchin' me and I wasn't allowed to scream because if they did they'd hit my chest. I didn't want my ribs to break, ya know? And I should've brought your pepper spray, you were right, I'm an idiot, I'm such an idiot." He was bawling now.

He felt a presence behind him as a hand was rested gently on his shoulder.

"It's okay, Little Man. It's okay. You're okay now. They won't come back." Howard's eyes looked wet, but Vince couldn't tell completely, his vision was so blurred.

He turned and hugged the bigger man, crying into his chest.

Howard wrapped his arms around him, being careful not to irritate his wounds.

"They won't come back. I won't let them."

They stayed like that for a while, until Vince contained himself.

He removed his body from Howard's and said "sorry."

"No need to apologize, Vince." Howard said kindly "Is that what you wanted Naboo for?"

Vince shook his head yes. He was still wiping away wetness from his cheeks.

He looked up at Howard, flushed with embarrassment.

Howard gave a small smile and retrieved Vince's shirt.

"Here, put this back on, I'll get you some painkillers. You need to rest, Vince. Being up and about'll kill ya."

Vince took the shirt and slid it over himself carefully.

Howard was back with the pills in a matter of seconds.

Vince saw his eyes were red, so he was crying then? All for him.

Howard was too good to him. He didn't even know why he put up with his shit.

Vince took the pills down with a sip of water and began to retreat to his bed.

He stopped when he reached the end of the kitchen and turned around.

"Howard?"

"Hmm?" Howard replied.

"Thank you." Vince said in a small voice.

Howard smiled and said "Anytime, Vince. I'd do anything for you."


	7. Dreams Are Not Real

**Author's note: all these chapters are so short ARGH! I don't want them to be, but it's just happening like that. this is kind of filler. I just needed some angst.**

**Boosh = Barratt and Fielding**

Vince laid in his bed, staring at the ceiling.

An hour had passed since he'd left for bed.

The events from then still replaying in his head.

_"I'd do anything for you."_

Why would he say that? Why? Why? Why?

He doesn't love Vince like Vince loved him, he was sure of it.

Why would he fuck with him like that?

At first he smiled like a git, thinking he had a chance with him.

Then he remembered Howard was his friend, he didn't mean it that way.

He would never mean it that way.

Howard wouldn't fall in love with a man.

Not even one that acts exactly like a woman.

Not even one he's been friends with since childhood.

Howard's known him for too long, Vince doesn't have a chance.

Still, he dreams about it. Every night.

Him and Howard.

It wasn't anything horribly romantic or even sexual.

It was just them, sitting on the couch hand in hand.

Them smiling and occasionally pecking at eachother's lips.

Them retiring to their shared bed, Vince cuddled in Howard.

The happiest moments he'd ever had were in those dreams.

Then he wakes up and realizes they weren't real.

That Howard doesn't love him.

That he'll be a Camden slut for the rest of his life.

Howard would marry a nice jazzy girl with dorky glasses and a bright smile.

They would be happy and in love and Howard would forget all about Vince.

Occasionally he'd call, but Vince would still be his immature, electro ponce, good for nothing, drunk best friend.

He wouldn't need him anymore.

_"I'd do anything for you."_

All except for the one thing he wanted.

Vince whispered into his pillow.

"I want you to love me."


	8. Boys Don't Cry

**A/N: more tears. oh boy. oh, and Rofferan is just something I made up in a second. if it's a real place I will actually feel like a genius.  
**

**Boosh = Noelykins & JuJubear**

Vince stumbled into the living room.

Howard was sitting, drinking tea, and reading the Global Explorer.

He looked quite comfortable, Vince stood and stared for a while.

Howard froze for a split second and turned around, sending Vince a gentle smile.

"Heya! Sleep well? Fancy a cuppa?"

"Alright. I slept okay, no tea, thanks though."

Vince made his way to the couch, sprawling his body to match the length of the surface.

The phone rang and Howard picked it up

"Hello, Howard Moon, jazz maverick and shop keeper, who's speaking?"

Vince giggled, he was so cute. NO ONE would dare answer the telephone like that but Howard.

"Alright, tomorrow then, yeah? Great. Bye."

He hung up and turned to Vince, "That was Naboo, him and Bollo will be back tomorrow. They found Kirk and are transporting him to a rehabilitation centre on Rofferan."

Vince scrunched his nose. "Where the hell is Rofferan?"

Howard shook his head and picked up his magazine, "No idea."

Vince chuckled and closed his eyes, relaxed.

_"I'd do anything for you."_

Vince opened his eyes and sat upright.

Looking at the floor he asked, "Howard... you think Naboo'll make... all of it disappear?"

"Yup." Howard replied, still reading.

One question was screaming in his head, but he was too chicken to ask.

Vince bit his lip.

"D'you... d'you think they'll come back? Lance and them?"

Howard put down his magazine now.

"They won't come back."

Vince shook his head.

"Yes they will. I know they will."

He felt a mass weigh down the couch along side him.

"They won't. If they come here, I'll give 'em a piece of Monsoon Moon!" Howard moved his hands into a karate-like position.

"Nobody messes with the Moon. I'll come at them, like a fist of pain. It'll come so fast, they won't even see it. They'll just feel the tornado that's struck their abdomen and fall on the cold pavement, sir."

Vince gave a shaky laugh, he appreciated Howard trying to cheer him up, but he just couldn't...

He had so many thoughts right now, he wanted to chuck his brain out the window.

Before he knew it, he was sobbing with a comforting arm around his shoulders.

Not this again, Vince hates crying. He'll only do it where no one can see him.

His mother always told him boys don't cry. If a boy cries, he's weak, and Vincey didn't want to be a weak boy.

"I just... I don't understand. What did I do to him? Why does he hate me so much?"

Howard rubbed his back.

"Someone like you gets attention, yeah? But sometimes it's bad attention. People get jealous, Vince. It's no reason to hate someone but that... man-" Howard hesitated while saying that last word, fury evident in his voice, "believes it is. And he tried to hurt you for it, but he won't again, because I'm not going to let him. If you even hear about him in the latest gossip, you tell me Vince. He's got you scared, but I'll put him in his place. I may not be strong, but this is my battle now, and I intend to win it."

Vince looked up at him with questioning eyes and back down. He examined the floorboards.

"Are you okay now, little man? Wanna watch some telly? I'll put MTV on."

He looked at Howard and gave a little grin, "yeah, alright."

"Howard, after Naboo fixes me, wanna go out in town? Y'know, just you and me?"

Howard had retreated to his chair. "Whatever you like."

"Brilliant!" Vince flashed his teeth, acting as if the breakdown session had never happened.

"I can't wait to be able to wear clothes again, I look like you!"

"Shut up." Howard laughed and tossed a pillow at Vince's head.


	9. Seals and Sharks

**A/N: this chapter is mostly dialogue, and it's really short, but I like it**

**Boosh = Fieldmouse & Bear-Rat**

The next day Naboo and Bollo returned.

The shaman made Vince's wounds disappear instantly.

"Naboo you're a diamond! I could kiss you!"

Naboo put a hand up, "yeah, but don't"

Vince chuckled and ran into the living room.

He pounced on the back of Howard's recliner.

"Whaddaya wanna do in town today, Howard?"

The clearly startled man straightened himself out and shrugged.

"We could see a film."

"Yeah!" Vince clapped and jumped up and down.

He looked like a child.

"Whaddaya wanna see?"

Howard scratched his chin.  
"There's a new Jurgen Haabermaaster film about a depressed seal."

Vince scowled.

"That's rubbish, Hobermeister is a twat."

"He isn't a twat, Vince. He's a creative genius. He stirs up controversy and never apologizes."

"Yeah, well he should apologize, his movies send me into a coma."

Howard sighed.

"What do you want to see, then?"

"Well..." Vince said, talking with his hands "There's one called Rapid Rackets. It's about a shark who learns how to play tennis, genius!"

Howard stared, confused.

"How does he breathe?"

"He's got a water scarf!"

"Alright, whatever. Go get ready, Princess."

Howard ruffled Vince's hair.

"Eeeeep!" Vince screamed and skipped away, giggling.

Howard laughed and sat back down.


	10. Angels & Chips

**A/N: I do not own Boosh**

**nor do I own M&M's, though they are delicious, and I'd quite like to own them**

Vince stared at his reflection in the mirror.

He looked good.

Maybe he'll root boost his hair... no... he liked it.

"Howard!" Vince called.

"Are you ready yet..."

Howard lost his voice.

There seemed to be an angel standing in front of him.

Vince wore white skinnies and silver Chelsea boots.

He paired that with a pale blue v-neck top with black fringe.

The top was very tight and form fitting around his waist and loose, like wings, on his arms.

His hair was pin-straight, unlike his usual boosted fluff.

He accessorized with 3 silver bangles and a necklace of a wooden black bird flying in the direction away from him.

His make-up matched his outfit perfectly, silver eyeshadow, fading into pale blue, fading into the smallest tinge of black.

His lips shone with clear gloss, and the most stunning of all, his bright blue eyes twinkled like pools in the middle of a beautiful desert.

"Beautiful" Howard said under his breath.

"Hmm?"

"Erm... nothing... ready?"

"Yeah!"

Vince flashed his big grin and the two set off for the cinema.

xxxxxxxxx

"I still don't understand how you make a scarf out of water." Howard shook his head.

Vince giggled and threw an M&M at his head.

Vince's stomach growled and he shared an awkward laugh.

"Oh... erm... these M&Ms are the only thing I've eaten today."

"Let's get some dinner, then."

xxxxxxxxxx

"Are you really just going to eat a basket of chips?"

"Yeah, why?"

"You can't just eat chips, that's not real food."

"Yeah it is! It's part of the 5 food groups! Sweets, chips, bread, snacks, and cakes."

"Right, that's not how it goes, Vince. Don't you want some fish? It is called a fish and chips shop."

"Fish is disgustin', Howard!"

Howard sighed and cut into his food.

Over the course of the meal they compared stories of sharks and tennis.

Only two were true, but that didn't matter.

When they tried to leave they were stopped by a gang of men.

"Hello, Vincey!"


	11. Howard Is My Home

**A/N: I know I haven't updated in forever. I've had a lot go on, yadda yadda yadda. Anyway I hope this chapter isn't utter shit. I've had a bit of writer's block with this one.**

**Boosh = Lord Barratt and Lady Fielding**

"Vincey! Ruddy well brave of you to pop out so soon." He flashed an evil grin.

Vince scowled and looked at his feet.

He felt Howard stand defensively in front of him.

"Fuck off, Dior." Vince was startled by the amount of anger in his friend's voice.

"Oooh, Howard Moon defending his wife is he?"

"Yeah, I am, now you better get the FUCK out of here before I tango with you so fierce you fall right into your gravestone."

Vince peeked around to see Howard's face.

It was filled with the fury of a husband who's finally found the killer of his murdered family.

It was red, eyebrows furrowed so far down you'd think you wouldn't see his tiny eyes, but you could.

You couldn't miss them, like a thousand poisoned tipped daggers aiming straight for your soul.

His fists were clenched and he was in a fighting stance.

Vince could tell he wasn't expecting a peaceful agreement.

"You think you could do that to me? HA! You're nothing. You'll fail and I'll get your little Vince just like the other night." He cracked another smirk and his eyes darkened "Only this time, I'll finish the twat off."

"My little Vince is not a twat! He is a beautiful, kind, and giving person! If you weren't such a horrible bitch you'd see that! But you, you're pathetic. I don't know what you think Vince has done to you, but I assure you, it isn't enough to make up for your pathetic excuse for a life. You're a complete waste of matter, and I would feel sorry for you if I didn't loathe you with every cell in my body. Now, I'll give you one more chance- you and your boys get out of here, or face a wrath of which you've never seen."

Everyone, including Vince, looked a bit shocked. Lance shook his expression in exchange for a hate encoded scowl.

He marched forwards ready to throw a punch, but was blocked by Howard's large hand.

Howard ran one leg into both of Lance's, sending him to the ground.

Two henchmen came running towards him. Howard punched one straight in the mouth, and another in the stomach.

The others had seemed to runoff after his long, intimidating speech.  
Lance was up now and attempting to hit Howard again.

Howard caught him by the arm and began twisting.

He put his mouth close to his ear and spoke in a harsh whisper.

"If I ever even see you talking smack about Vince in a magazine, I will come back and finish YOU off."

Howard grabbed the man's long hair and struck a blow to the underside of his jaw before violently shoving him in the street.  
Dior and his drones ran off, never to be seen again.

Howard turned back around, panting.

"Shall we go back home, then?"

Vince stood there, mouth wide open, tears welling up.

He flung himself on Howard and hugged him tighter than ever before.

Howard put his arms around Vince and smiled.

Vince was safe.

His tears rolled down his cheeks and he smiled, face pressed into Howard's chest.

He was already home.


	12. My Wife

**A/N: GUESS WHAT, GUYS? IT'S THE END! I hope it isn't too corny... I kind of think it is, but nevermind. Thanks to you all so much for reading and reviewing, you have no idea how much it means. xxx**

**Boosh is owned by Noel Fielding and Julian Barratt, and I wouldn't have it any other way.**

Howard plopped down on the couch and kicked off his shoes.

Vince waddled in closer and closer, giggling.

Howard looked confused "What?"

Vince didn't say anything, just giggled louder.

"What, what, what is it?"

"Back there you called me your wife!"

Howard blushed, "Oh, well, you are aren't you?"

Vince turned around, and looked back, pouting.

"What kind of wife am I? Am I beautiful?"

Howard laughed, "You're a thick one."

"Oh, and why is that?"

"Because you didn't know you were my wife!"

Vince crossed his arms, "Oh."

Howard was confused again, "What, what, what did I do now?"

Vince looked at the ceiling, "Oh, nothing."

"No, what did I do? Vince, did I upset you? What happened?"

"It's just..." Vince twirled his hair, "You didn't answer my question, so I guess I'll take that as a no."

Howard tried to think back to that entire 45 seconds ago...

"What question?"

"I asked you if I was pretty." Vince retorted, annoyed look on his face.

"Oh..." Howard didn't know whether the smaller man was actually upset or just playing up the wife role.

"Oh? That's all you have to say?" Vince sounded hurt this time. "Well, I guess I'm not then. I see. I just thought... maybe..."

Howard stood up next to his clearly now embarrased friend.

"You thought what?" He asked, lifting up Vince's chin.

"Maybe... you... liked me how I... like- l... love you."

It was out. Finally. He said it.

Howard began to laugh, and Vince felt he made a huge mistake.

"Of course I love you, you berk! Where the Hell have you been?"

He was laughing hysterically, like he'd heard the funniest joke in history straight from one of his jazzy heroes' mouths.

Vince was shocked.

"I... what?"

Howard turned back to him.

"I made it painfully obvious, Vince. I actually can't believe you didn't know."

Vince grinned.

"You do, then? Really?"

"Yes!" Howard moved in closer, looking into Vince's eyes.

Giant pools of his favourite colour.

"I love you, I love you, I love you." He spoke softly.

Vince's smile began to fade as he moved his face closer.

His eyes fluttered and Howard closed the gap.

It wasn't a lust-filled kiss. There wasn't tongue or anything. It was pure love and happiness.

They broke apart finally, and embraced, faces pressed against each other's ears.

"Hey, Vince?"

"Yeah?"

"You're the most beautiful person I've ever laid my eyes on."


End file.
